What a ride. It feels like it has been forever I have written a blog post, I don't even know where to begin. I wish I had been more consistently active on my blog the past year but I have been through so much, whether it is a new journey in my medical device team or just focusing more time on my engineering classes. There were so many mental challenges this year that I did not anticipate but also I have so much to celebrate and be grateful for. Growing up is scary sometimes when the fear of an unknown future is so real, especially during a pandemic. But I think it gives us a good life lesson on many things. As I am reflecting back to the past year since I last wrote, I need to start learning to celebrate small victories in life to stay afloat.
Last December, I left Michigan in Color after almost 3 years of my time in the Daily. For something like the daily, it has always felt like a constant in my college life since freshman year. It was the reason I started exploring writing and expressing our voice as POC. It has been a good two years of experience in it, but I thought it was time for me to take a step back. It was so sad because I definitely felt these expectations to step up as the managing editor from a lot of editors that I admire, and it just didn't feel right to stay. Writing this makes me very nostalgic about the time I spent with friends in MiC. But I am also grateful that leaving MiC has been a good shift in perspective in spaces I could grow. Sometimes I wish friends in MiC weren't so busy with life or someone would initiate to continue hanging out and catching up after our terms were over. It's a little sad I haven't talked to some of my friends for a while when I saw them almost every day.
The biggest thing I learn in the US is that people here come and go so fast. When it is time to go, sometimes it feels like the last chance to share the fun moments just slips by. In my mind, I never thought this was normal societal behavior coming from a tight-knitted community like Hong Kong, where I could make life-long friends even just going to the same school for a year. It's a different case in the US where people move around so much and are always on the grind. This was the hardest societal trait that I had to assimilate in, that people just come and go so quickly. While this isn't in my control a lot of times, I want myself to start learning about celebrating the present. I have been always so sentimental of the past and sometimes it is good to let go and just live in the present.
I have been so incredibly grateful for my time at MeasHER though. For those who don't know, I joined an independent design team with some friends to create a medical device to help aid maternal mortality around the world, and I couldn't have been more proud of my work and my team for our work this past year. Never in a decade would I thought I would be filing a patent, being told that our device potentially appeals to a global market, and might make a significant impact in maternal health. A fricking patent! Who would've thought! This is something definitely worth celebrating. What's worth even more to celebrate is my growth as a leader in the team for the past year. Working with these incredibly smart and passionate women of color has inspired me so much and motivates me to work on this project.
I also joined the MDP team at school to (provide free labor and) work on their thermal design R&D. I feel like I have always doubted my ability in doing things, probably because of imposter syndrome when we are working with some of the most accomplishing people every day. One of the defining moment was when I was asking for advice if I should join the team during the beginning of the semester, the MDP staff told me I was chosen as 2 of the ME out of 50 who applied. I think that definitely reassured my ability.
This is not to brag, because I know I still have a lot to learn and grow from. But a lot of times I notice that a lot of people who work in competitive environments including me never take the time to celebrate success and constantly being asked "what's next?" when one thing is accomplished. We just need to be proud of our work sometimes! Success is not only worth celebrating because it makes yourself feel good about your accomplishment, but it allows you to reflect on the hard work and even the worst failures you have been through to get here. I have been through some of my darkest times in life this year, whether it was depression or anxiety from job search and burnout. It took a lot of growth within a short amount of time to cope with the hardest times in life. The biggest thing to celebrate above all this for me is actually starting therapy sessions this summer. I am so hopeful for my mental health healing process.
Quarantine made me reflect on my life a lot. A few weeks ago, I was completely paralyzed on my bed from depression, being overwhelmed with the future. Who would've thought the person who saved me from this dark hole would be Nathan Zed? Everyone who knows me knows that I love this man, how articulate and intellectual he is. I stumbled upon his good enough video again during my episodes and his words really helped me. "Really just try to appreciate where you are right now" I hope he is also doing well during quarantine. My king deserves it.
I don't know where the future holds for me or the world. At this point, I think the best way to live life is to just live day by day. Things are so unpredictable in life and we have so little control over sometimes even after we tried our best. We are gonna have the most lit, healthy, productive senior year, whether it is online or not, because we will never come back to the moment we are living right now.
For this summer, I want to pick up writing again. I have some interesting topics I want to write about including coming-of-age Asian American representation tv shows, the Chinese history of the five-race union and its skewed history of PRC formation centering indigeneity and maybe also some culture shitposting. Stay tuned!
留言
發佈留言